It's usually a time of clichéd self-reflection. I'm cliché 100%.
And every year, at this time, I decide with conviction to give the year ahead a lofty – yet achievable – goal. One that'll make my life fuller, richer, better, nicer, sweeter, fun(ner), and all around more meaningful. One that will get me out of the bed in the morning. After all, I like the idea of spending time on building a legacy, striving to become a better person, righting wrongs, and soaking up some sunlight.
This year, I resolve to breathe a little and have fun a lot.
Sounds simple. It is. But in 2012 I found myself caught up more oft than naught in working too hard or saying yes too much or aiming to please just about everyone I met. In the end, though I loved these things and chose to do them wholeheartedly and felt great about them at the time, I eventually felt tired, burnt out, maybe even a little resentful.
Sometimes (oftentimes) I forget to take a moment.
So in 2013 I will take moments.
Just because 2012 wasn't perfect doesn't mean it wasn't brilliant.
It was.
So before I greet a New Year with an open heart and a keen sense of adventure, I owe 2012 a thank you.
Thank you 2012 for giving me the opportunity to:
Learn that you never really "lose" the someones that you love.
They stay with you. In your dreams. In your memories. In your heart. Uncle Phil showed up every time I needed him even though we "lost" him on a dewy morning in June. I don't know how that happens, but it just does. And it's like a nice warm blanket on a below freezing night.
Stick to my guns.
It wasn't easy. I wanted to quit. I wanted to go with the status quo. But there was an undercurrent afoot that patted my back, whispered "I believe in you", and urged me to follow my gut. I've never been more proud.
Wear high heels.
It might be some kind of metaphor for coming into one's own. The whole caterpillar to butterfly thing comes to mind. I started rocking some sweet fluorescent heels in July. Another pair of teal ones in September. And it wasn't about the shoes. It was about me. I strutted into offices filled with skeptical suits, and left with hearty handshakes and business deals.
Feel lucky.
I doubt there is a single girl on this planet as blessed as me. My family is extraordinary. Sometimes I forget how good I've got it. Parents, brothers, nephews, niece, cousins, aunts, uncle, gramma – everyone. Life is good.
Take risks.
Sure I broke a lot of bones. I twisted a lot of ligaments. I rented crutches more times than I wanted and was a visit away from a first-name basis with the ER nurse at VGH. I cried in fear of change. I lay away at night, all night. I second guessed myself. But man alive, did I do some heart-thumping good stuff. I felt alive in 2012.
Grieve.
I didn't realize what grief really was. I've lost people before. But no one who held such a vast piece of real estate in my life. And it burned (still does). It stabbed. It was gut wrenching. My heart broke. Over and over. I saw his name on a tombstone and I felt like I was in another world. This can't be real. The tears came fast and furious for the better half of this year. But amidst all that grief, some incredible gifts emerged: stronger relationships, warm and genuine support, long, heartwarming talks, wonderful memories, and great lessons. Thank you, Uncle Phil.
Go for it!
I ate challenges for breakfast. I jumped hurdles. I waited out storms. I prevailed even when I thought I wouldn't. I had balls in 2012. Big, ironclad balls.
Reconnect.
I came out of the woodwork. I pushed aside my rock. I dusted out the corner.
I called friends. I met for beers. For movies. For dancing and drinks. I went out on weeknights and weekends. I ran with friends. I met old acquaintances for tea. I said Yes when I wanted to say No. I dated. I took weekends off. I reconnected with the people who've loved me all this time and were waiting for me to come back. I had mad fun with the people who love me most. I'm grateful they were patient enough to wait.
Eat vegan.
I drank kale juice every morning this past year. I ate raw food about 80% of the time. I gave up processed foods, refined sugars, wheat, and sweets. And I feel amazing and strong and vibrant.
Love.
I loved – my family, my friends, boys. I jumped head last and heart first into pretty much every relationship I have. And it was extraordinary.
Burn my to-do list.
I literally took a match to it in September. It was awesome.
Travel.
Atlanta. Boston. Iceland. The bug was silenced (temporarily) in 2012. I had extreme adventures.
Mentor/Lead/Inspire (hopefully)
I think I helped people in 2012. I feel like I mentored a teenager with love and example. I lead a team with steadfast conviction. I inspired a community to stand up and do more. I aimed to encourage and motivate and deliver. And when I felt like I wasn't doing enough, the universe gifted me with thanks and humility and lessons of its own. I think I made the world a little better. Just a little.
Fall.
I fell. A lot.
I failed. Often.
But I didn't look back, I focused forward.
Let it be easy.
I didn't get caught up in the drama. If it didn't feel good, I didn't do it. I let my conscience be my guide. I let the haters hate on their own. I replaced the non-believers with fans and groupies. I left the people who pulled me down behind. And life was surprisingly simple.
Donate.
I donated time, money, ideas, and heart to really good people who are doing sublimely good things. And I feel warm and fuzzy about that. I should do more.
Run.
I ran slow. I ran fast. I ran on trails and roads and by rivers and oceans. I ran through trees and snow and rain and sleet. I ran with my family, my friends, and myself. I raced against the clock, against other runners, and against myself. I achieved personal bests and personal worsts. My knees ached and yet I felt stronger than ever. Running was my soul.
Fall in love with me.
Don't get me wrong: I still have a lot of kinks to iron out. I still scold myself when I don't measure up to my expectations. But I kinda like me. Love me actually. I think I'm pretty cool even with all of my quirks and imperfections. Life is too short to not spend bringing myself down.
So thank you 2012 for all the hard-earned lessons, the fun, the adventure, the tears, the life.
And hello 2013: Let's have some fun.
Happy New Year.
Great things ahead, no doubt!!
