I bought a new bike. It's a piece of shit.
I got it off of Craigslist for $10.
It was posted for $40.
I arrived at the seller's apartment this morning at 7:30.
She was outside beside her new shiny bike tinkering with the old piece-of-crap bike.
I kind of wanted to snatch her cool new bike before she knew what happened. But I'm not that kind of girl and the dog isn't so good at riding doubles.
"Hi!" I said.
She was crouching down. Her thong was six inches out of her pants. Her entire butt was basically exposed.
Too much crack for 7:30.
Anyway, I looked at the bike.
It was obviously crappy. Old. Well-ridden. Rusty. Ripped seat.
Should I actually purchase this piece-of-crap bike, I thought to myself, it would build character (plus some serious quad muscles!). I mean, it's no secret: I like my "stuff" new. And I like it expensive. And I buy things on instinct, not really on value for my money, prior research, etc.
Some may recall the 1992 Plymouth Sundance (another infamous piece of crap in my life) that I bought solely because it was blue. When the tranny dropped six months later, dad's face had "I told you so" written all over it. Sadly, rightfully so.
But I digress. This piece of crap purchase shows how my buying habits have matured.
Let me break it down:
1. I Immediately recognized that the bike was a piece of crap.
Example of improved purchasing maturity: 10 years ago, I thought the Sundance was a super car.
2. I also immediately started asking questions about small things I was noticing (low seat, stripped bolt, rusty handle bars, quirky gears, flat tire).
Example of improved purchasing maturity: 10 years ago, dad asked me to ask the salesman questions. I didn't. I mean, the car was blue. I wanted a blue car. Case closed, right?
3. I recognized, after my stealth recognizance, that the bike was indeed a piece of crap and that I would have to put a few dollars into it to restore it to a less piece-of-crap state. Which meant, there was no way I was paying 40 bucks!
Example of improved purchasing maturity: 10 years ago, even after dad mentioned the possible crappiness of the car and the need to wheel n' deal, I stood my ground firmly and paid the FULL asking price for that hunk o' junk.
So, I am the proud owner of a crappy bike that cost me next to nothing.
And, should I succeed in fixing it up (or paying someone more handy than I to do so), I will consider this wee purchasing adventure a huge success!
Now, for some of you that already know that I own an insanely expensive racing bike, let me explain why this pice-of-crap purchase makes sense: My Specialized Allez Comp is my baby. It is too good for riding to the market and picking up groceries. One small pebble could send me into a tizzie. And the parts are crazy expensive to replace. It's a racing bike and a racing bike only. It's like china in the cabinet in the dining room. Reserved for special occasions.
And, with my little Hyundai guzzling $80 in gas just for a 60L fill up and with the environment on a downward spiral into utter chaos, the least I can do is buy a $20 piece-of-crap bike and have a fun time riding it for all my daily errands!
(Assuming, of course, that I fix the seat and pump up the tire!)
Else it'll just stay locked to the railing on the back porch, like another metaphorical Plymouth Sundance.
Happy riding!
