I was excited and nervous to bring her home.
Excited to have new life at home. A wagging tail at the door as I inched it open. A warm soul at my feet as I read the paper. A hiking partner. A furry psychiatrist. All the things that I have missed since B passed away last June.
I was nervous, though, because although time has healed, it has left an enduring scar. I still tear up when I think of B. When I speak of her, I feel pangs in my heart. I am still very very emotional about her loss. She was my best friend, and I was scared that I might fall in love with Harley and forget Beams.
The great thing is Harley and Beamer are like night and day as far as characteristics go. Although they both share a youthful neuroticism, they are very different at heart. so I've been falling in love in a whole new way and developing a whole new friendship. And Beamer is still a shining light in my life. Her memory is the centre of my smile.
Harley and I have been spending a lot of time throwing (me) and fetching (her) sticks at the park, getting comfy with each other. I've been trying to feel out how she is off-leash and how she might be on the hiking trail.
Today, on a bright and sunny Monday, we decided to play hookey.
We headed to Juniper Peak at Lighthouse Park where Beamer now rests in peace. This was the very last hike I did with Beams on June 14, 2008, the day before she died. And it seemed fitting that it should be the very first hike that I took Harley on. As Harley has helped me live.
Immediately out of the car, Harley hopped on to the trail with the zeal of a puppy. Most people are surprised that she's a middle-aged pup as she bounces and bumps along. She threw herself into every puddle, down every cliff, through every bit of mud. She danced, really, a dog's dance through the woods, sniffing and running and jumping and falling and all of those things with reckless abandon. It was hysterical and heartwarming all at the same time.
I laughed aloud a few times. And as I breathed in the wind that carried B's ashes away, I felt healed again.
We encountered a few other pups on our walks and Harley was fantastic. A bum sniff. A little snort. And she was on her way.
Like Beams, she doesn't have too much patience when she is hot on the trail!
A few hours, a few trails, and afew cliffside views later, we called it a day. Harley pounced into the back of the car onto the same green blanket with pom-poms that Beamer dragged her muddy paws on years before. She stuck her head out the window and slobbered down the panes as we drove across the Lion's Gate Home.
We both felt free, I think.
And happy.
And maybe a little closer to each other.
She is a big, brown, furry, dirty, stinky ball of delight.
I am so glad she is mine.
