When the news finally came in January that my six months of back pain and leg numbness was due to three disc herniations, I was at first relieved: nothing life-threatening. And then I was distraught: there is no quick fix for injuries of this nature.
I spent the ensuing week after diagnosis crying, depressed, upset.
I called myself every name in the book: fat, lethargic, hopeless.
I imagined all my goals unachievable: no travel. no hiking. no running.
And then I snapped out it. (well, i snapped out of it in doses. I still throw the occasional pity party.)
The bad news is this: my pain is constant and my physical limitations are massive. I can't run. I can barely walk three blocks. I can't hike. I can't bike. Well... not yet anyway.
And, at first, I thought: then I guess I can't do anything.
I thought: how can I bear 6 more months (at least) of 24-hour pain and discomfort? I feel like I haven't truly slept since summer.
But that's the thinking of a pessimist. And last time I checked, this was a pretty fantastic life I am leading. I've just been thrown a curve ball of gigantic proportions.
It'll probably be another 6 months to a year before I can enjoy the same kind of physical ability as I did at this time last year.
And I have better things to do than mope around the house. Don't I? Yes, I absolutely do.
So I've been putting my energy into other things.
I'm rediscovering creative outlets - doing more work, re-energizing my business, refocusing my passion on environmental endeavours. I'm designing for not-for-profits; I'm am charting a course for new business; I am playing.
I'm recommitting to vegetarianism and am neck deep in learning to cook better, prepare meals more smartly, and read books that educate me on it further.
I am trying new activities that I've always shunned (admittedly due to lack of understanding) like yoga and meditation.
I am trying to find ways to stay healthy even though I am unhealthy.
I think the stronger I stay, the faster my back will heal and the sooner I will be racing again.
Mike said to me last night: "You will beat this, babe. And when you do, you can tattoo a big I WIN on your spine."
I just might. :)
So onwards I go with slightly less energetic adventures, but adventures nonetheless. Life is too short to sit idle. And I will not let this injury sideline me from life. No way.
