The last three months have floored me. Moved me. Inspired me. Tested me. Depleted me. Uplifted me. Motivated me. Changed me.
I've been underwater growing a dream and ignoring health and wellness as a result (I highly recommend not doing this.)
My regular runs morphed into bi-weekly runs beyond of January. 3x a week training sessions quickly dwindled into 5 a.m. phone calls apologizing for having to cancel last minute but I only got 2 hours of sleep last night. By February, I was so tired, sick with the flu, strep throat, bronchitis, that walking a kilometre to work was a chore.
Coughing and wheezing, I pressed on.
The business is growing. It hit a point last October where I had to make a decision – (a) Leap and take a risk. Gamble it all – my money, my bank account, and my reputation just for a chance to achieve a dream and make a difference in a bigger, better way; or (b) scale back, take a breath, and be okay with being little.
I chose LEAP.
But not without countless conversations with mentors and loved ones, a few self-pitying cries, sleepless, worry-filled nights, and general fret.
I leaned in, took the plunge, and by January, I was in it.
Deep in it.
Some days, it was mesmerizing – new staff, new space, new clients!
Everything was growing, blossoming, transforming.
Other days, it felt like a black hole of debt, overdue bills, and uncertainty.
But I pressed on.
With a keen and committed team.
One foot in front of the other.
Chaos ensured.
I was so sick that for the first time in 7 years of business ownership, I had to take a day off. Five actually.
The renovations on the new space went south and budgets skyrocketed.
A big client didn't have the dollars to pay a big bill.
An awesome opportunity fell through the cracks because we were too busy to notice.
I felt our foundation cracking.
I was cracking.
And my pants were getting tight.
A 11 pm one night, in the office, with the heat on full blast and my head in my hands, tears running through my fingers plump with worry, I felt lost and full of self-doubt.
"Self doubt is seasonal," a mentor of mine once said. "Spring always comes."
I took a few deep breaths.
I listened to Frank Sinatra's My Way, because my Uncle loved that song and he would have sage advice for me at this moment if he were here. I listened hard, eyes closed. Hoping to hear a "You know what do, Kimmy" through the harmony.
I called dad.
I talked to mom.
I texted my brother.
I threw my arms around my man and squeezed tight.
"You've got this, babe." he said with the confidence I was lacking.
"You're a tank. You're gettin' shit done and takin' names. You've GOT this."
"I'm pathetic," I said wiping tears from cheeks, sniffling dripping snot.
We laughed.
Then I woke up this morning, put on my teal heels, walked into a new business meeting, and owned the floor.
Because I've got this.
It's the wildest rollercoaster I've ever endured. The biggest adventure. The greatest love. The most painful heartache. The highs are unbelievable. The lows are nearly unbearable.
But the ride... man... the ride is the time of my life.
And so I press on.
